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confusedwitheverything's Blog


All I Wanted You To Do Was LISTEN

I was there most of the time for my friends and family. I put everyone first before myself. I care way to much about other people's feelings rather than mine. All of this just breaks me down piece by piece. No one notices that sometimes when I talk to them I'm just on the edge of breaking down. The thing I hate the most is crying in front of others. Even if I do, it's fake. Unless, I feel really upset and can't take it anymore.

What I want is just someone to be there for me whenever I'm on the edge. To be there to pull me in before I fall. I don't give good advice, but people come to me for it and I'm always there to help, to listen, to lend a hand, a shoulder to cry on and what not. But, I just wanted someone to be there, some I could text or call and tell them everything without getting any judgement from anyone. I want people to listen to me. Sometimes, I don't need the advice, I know what's right for me so I don't need people reminding me. I just want them to listen. It just turns out that no one will be there.

Everyone bashes out at me. Why? I put everyone's happiness before my own. Yeah, I tend to argue about almost everything. I critique people. I say a lot of stuff I don't mean! But, that's just to cover up what I really feel. Over the years, I have learnt that showing the weak side of you just shows how stupid you are. After a while, people will be fed up! They wouldn't want to hear your petty problems anymore or even your big ones. Even their advice would be shitty and not helpful at all. Well, that's it for you then. If only someone would just listen.

Him

His name? not telling, but I can't stop saying his name. It's the only word that gets me so happy and determined with my life. He doesn't know that.
He is the most annoying, spoiled, easily challenged(by me only), such a teaser, makes me mad and crazy all the time!
But at the same time, he is sweet, caring, funny but not mine :)
He's single! He just broke up like a few months ago with his girlfriend from a two years and a few months relationship. And since that day, he has spent most of his time with me :)
which is okay I guess since we have been friends for 4 years already. To be honest, I have never felt anything towards him. He was just a friend to me. But I guess the longer you spend time with someone, feelings will finally come.
We always fight. We can't stand being in one room together without fighting. Our friends find it totally annoying and they tend to get fed-up with us but that's just it, we just have to fight. Our day won't be complete without it. But, we argue over the most smallest things like his camera. One day, he chucked his caps to me and I kept in my pocket since he was just tooo busy to keep the cap to himself. Then, by the end of the day, he wanted his cap back and I started fooling around saying it wasn't with me. guess what? He got pissed off and we started fighting. But we made up shortly after that. Our fights don't stand more longer that a few minutes because one of us will give in to the fight.
But then there are just some of those moments where we can talk about almost everything! About photography, about the future. These are actually the times he's mature. The times that we can just hang without saying a word and just smile. Then there are times that we would listen to all my problems and not only give me advice but makes me laugh and feel okay again.
We spent most of our last high school days together just the both of us. Well, mostly studying sometimes just chatting. We chat on Facebook every night as if the next day we won't see each other.
He's the kind of person who won't text unless urgent. I'm okay with that, but these few days he's been texting me a lot and most of them were just to tell me to online so we can talk for free. =='
And, he is soo the jealous type! I went out one day with him and this other a guy who has been my friend for almost 6 years. My bag was open so I told the guy to zip it up for me and he was just looking at us with the kind of eyes he uses when he isn't satisfied about something. But, I just let that go.
And he just loooovvveeesss making me jealous!! :/
There was this one time. We were meant to meet up at the computer lab to study but I came late because I thought we were supposed to meet at the canteen first. So, I waited for him there for like 15 minutes before seeing him running angrily towards me. He looked like he had been running and he has when he yelled saying he went searching for me everywhere in school when I didn't come up. He thought I was kidnapped or something and I just stood there thinking. Who would kidnap me in school? but okayyy.. It wasn't a good idea to pick a fight when he was angry.
Well, anyways. I absolutely love our type of friendship relationship? Whatever. But, I would also love to know what he really feels about me. xxx

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All I Wanted You To Do Was LISTEN, posted December 21st, 2012
Him, posted December 12th, 2012

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